Even When Tried by Sorrow
by neko-chan6
Summary: Umi's heartbroken because she thinks Clef loves someone else. Clef's heartbroken because Umi's been avoiding him. It's all just a matter of misunderstandings and miscommunication, but how will the two admit what they really feel for each other?
1. Even When Tried by Sorrow

Even When Tried by Sorrow

I was listening to the Rurouni Kenshin songs collection that I just bought recently. One song, _Kanashimi ni Tamesarete mo_ (Even When Tried by Sorrow) of Amakusa Sayo, was able to strum a heartstring. Even though it belongs to the RK variety of songs, I couldn't help but think of Umi and Clef. And suddenly, I had an idea for my second Umi-Clef fic! This time it's with the OAV Clef!

**Notes and Disclaimers:**

J The Romanji lyrics (in italics) and its English counterpart (in normal font) are enclosed in *.

J Don't be too hard on me, Asmi (Ascot-Umi) supporters. I'm terribly sorry, but I still hate Ascot.

J Rayearth, Umi, and Clef belong to the one and only CLAMP: Nanase Okhawa, Mokona Apapa, Satsuki Igarashi, and Mick Nekoi. Don't sue me, my almost non-existent bank account is down to its last two cents and cannot handle any more lawsuits.

J Lastly, REVIEW! The last fic received such an overwhelming response from you guys; I really appreciate it… (sniff, sniff) Keep it coming!!!

EVEN WHEN TRIED BY SORROW 

by: neko-chan

******************************
    
    _Kage wo tsukuranai hikari wa nai _
    
    _Kanashii keredo _
    
    There is no light that does not pierce the darkness 
    
    It is sad but 
    
    _Donna itoshisa ni mitasarete mo _
    
    _Kurushimi wa aru _
    
    No matter how much one is filled with affection 
    
    There is suffering 

******************************

Umi gazed at the star-studded sky, mesmerized at its beauty. She sighed longingly and leaned on the wall beside her. _I could be contented enough just staying here and looking at the beautiful heavens…_

_But…_ she thought as an image of a handsome master mage flickered in her mind._ … I would have enjoyed this more if he were with me right now,_ her face falling in dejection.

But that could no longer be possible. Because Clef… he already has Presea.

Umi held back, tears threatening to overwhelm her again. _Stop it; it's time to move on. It's about time to erase that illusion… He… loves someone else…_

Returning to Tokyo didn't bring such joy to her. She regretted not telling him how much she loved him and because of failure to do so, her days back home felt empty and lonely. Her days were spent lying in bed only thinking about him and their "relationship". She became so distant and aloof, that her parents were worried about her. That is why when Hikaru and Fuu invited Umi to go back to Cephiro, she leaped at the chance. She wanted to spill her heart out and admit to Clef how she really felt. At that time, she was almost sure that Clef returned her feelings as well, because of the subtle signals he had sent her those times… during their nightly chats… and that time when he saved both her and Fuu from Debonair…

Unfortunately, things didn't go accordingly to how Umi had visualized. She had found out that things have worked out between Clef and Presea and the two eventually became a couple. A pretty close one, it seems. Even though her heart torn out, she forced a smile on her face and congratulated the both. Not one, even Hikaru or Fuu, were sensitive enough to Umi's crying inner self. From that time on, she had avoided all means of communication with him, may it be verbal or oral.

Umi tugged at her nightgown. It has been two weeks since the dreadful revelation, but still she felt the wrenching pain that had seized her heart. Her attention now drew away from the sky; she rested her head above her bended knees, tears flowing out softly.

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Clef hummed to himself a tune, unusually giddy. It was almost Mira's birthday and he wanted to surprise the little child with a nice gift, not only because it was her birthday – but to show his appreciation for helping to enlighten to hearts of the people of Cephiro (after all, their strength of hearts helped the Magic Knights defeat Debonair). Only he had no idea what to give her.

_Oh… I know… I'll ask Umi,_ he thought, mentioning the name of the girl who had spent countless nights to chat with him; as well as the girl whom he has learned to trust and… love. 

_ _

_Umi._ The name of the magic knight echoed serenely in his ear. How he missed her and their nightly chats. Ever since coming back two weeks ago, both never had their nightly talks, unlike those times after the Magic Knights came for the second time. He again longed for that warm feeling of comfort and contentment he felt while spending nights with her; either talking by the fountain, in the throne room, or wherever they would cross paths.

He laughed lightly, reliving those wonderful memories. _But, now… _his expression suddenly fell a notch. Umi wouldn't say a word to him, nor even look at him. She became silent and spent most of her days in her bedroom, except when it was time for meals. And during those meals, she would just look down at her plate of untouched food, ignoring the jovial and cheerful mood surrounding the dining hall. And he had noticed. 

_Forget the gift. I need to talk to her. I want my old Umi back._

_ _

He sprinted to her room, eager to talk to her.

*************************************
    
    _Tsubasa ga nakutatte hito wa ai shiaeru no _
    
    _Chiisa na hohoemi sae _
    
    _Sore wa kiseki da to shinjireba _
    
    _Arukidaseru _
    
    Though we do not have wings 
    
    Even a small smile 
    
    If you believe that is a miracle 
    
    You can walk on 

*************************************

_Knock, knock._

"Umi?" The door fell open.

Umi looked up, startled. Her eyes widened, seeing _Clef_ in her doorway, slightly breathless. His face now mirrored the same shocked expression as hers, after it dawned to him that Umi is crying.

"… Clef… it's you…" 

He slowly walked to Umi, still frozen in her position by the window. He shut the door behind him. 

"… Hi, Clef. It's really… nice to see you," she said in a small voice, avoiding Clef's inquisitive gaze.

He laid a comforting hand on her shoulder. He felt her stiff up with his touch. "What's wrong Umi? You can tell me anything, remember?" His concerned frown deepened. "Well, you used to anyway…"

Umi felt a sweet sensation wash over her at the sound of Clef's sincere and caring tone. "I-It's really nothing, Clef." She decided to lock gazes with his eyes, which was the same color and depth as hers. 

He gasped slightly, seeing more tears glisten at her beautiful, vulnerable eyes. How he hated to see even the slightest trace of pain over his angel. Whoever caused this had to pay dearly. "Please don't cry. Tell me… who caused you such pain and suffering? Who had brought about this drastic change in you, Umi?" His hands clenched at the prospect and started to think about what kind of punishment to bestow over such a monstrous being.

_What do I say? 'It's you Clef,'? _She shook her head inwardly, which made her tears fall. Clef immediately wiped them away. She felt her skin tingle at his touch. "Y-You don't understand, Clef. E-Everything… it's all my fault!"

Umi abruptly got to her feet and let out a soft wail. She scurried out of her room, her cries more aggravated and laced with hurt and pain. Pity and sadness clutched tightly at his heart. Clef leaned against the wall, angry with himself for being unable to cheer up Umi… instead he made things worse.

_Umi…_ his heart screamed. He ran after her.

[Chapter 2 ][1]

Author's notes:

J Okay, okay, so neither Mira nor her birthday had anything to do with the fic, but I had to come up with an intentionally silly reason to get Clef and Umi talking. 

   [1]: Even%20When%20Tried%20by%20Sorrow%20(2).htm



	2. Even When Tried by Sorrow (2)

EVEN WHEN TRIED BY SORROW (2)

**EVEN WHEN TRIED BY SORROW (2)**

*****************************
    
    _Kanashimi ni tamesarete mo _
    
    _Watashi de ireru anata ga ireba _
    
    _Tatoe, musubarenai to _
    
    _Shiru hi ga kite mo sore wa eien _
    
    Even when tried by sorrow 
    
    If you are here 
    
    When the day it cannot be bound 
    
    Comes That is everlasting 

*****************************

Clef stopped in front of the water fountain, in the middle of the castle garden. _There she is…_ he thought sadly, referring to the petite figure sitting by the fountain, still crying.

He stepped slowly towards the heartbreaking sight. He sat down beside her. Without thinking, he reached for her frail body and wrapped his arms tightly around her. He drowned in the sweet scent of hair, which smelled like the cherry blossoms of spring. Her body was warm too, and fit quite snugly to his stature. 

Umi's cries stopped in surprise. She didn't expect Clef to respond this way. His strong arms entwined around her brought a new sense of contentment and security she had never felt with anyone before.

Clef's face broke into a peaceful smile, realizing that she has stopped crying. A much as he regretted doing so, he released her and held Umi at arm's length. "Better?"

*************************************
    
    _Umi wo watatte yuku chou no you na _
    
    _Tsuyosa hoshii _
    
    I long for strength 
    
    Like that of a butterfly crossing the sea 
    
    _Tatakau koto dake ga tsuyosa naraba _
    
    _Sore wa kanashii _
    
    If battle alone is strength 
    
    That is a pity 
    
    _Anata no oku ni aru itami wo iyaseru nara _
    
    _Subete wo ushinatte mo _
    
    _Ii to omou no ni yasashisa wa _
    
    _Mayou bakari _
    
    Despite thinking it is all right 
    
    Even if all is gone 
    
    As long as the ache inside you heals 
    
    Kindness just meets 

*************************************

Umi snapped out of her peaceful reverie as Clef released her. Her face became downcast, realizing that _no,_ she didn't feel better. His embrace may have stopped the flow of her tears, but him doing that vented even more pain into her heart. But she knew she had to be strong. She remembered Clef calling out her name before they returned to Tokyo that second time. She also remembered her lonely days back home, brought about by her fear of rejection. 

Umi looked up at Clef's loving face. She hesitated, her insides twisting in anxiety and fear. _No… I have to tell him, even if he does not love me. But he has always been there for me, and he has never hurt me before. I at least owe him my honesty._

"Clef… I always had feelings for you. Memories of you never slip out of my mind, ever since returning to Tokyo." She looked down at her feet, again avoiding Clef's looks. "Remember that… thing I was supposed to tell you? I wanted to express my love for you… but I never got around to say it out loud. And then I left Cephiro with my feelings for you hanging. Clef, I do l-l-l…," she sputtered, her voice slightly wavering with a hint of embarrassment.

Clef was taken aback by her words. "Umi…." That was all he said.

_There I said it. I made a fool out of myself and now I'm more confused than ever._ _I'd better go…_ She started for the castle.

Umi had already started to disappear from sight, when Clef suddenly felt light-hearted, relieved… and happy. _Umi…loves me?_ The truth hit him painfully. _But… I love her too… I always did… I was also afraid to say it out loud… just like she was…_

_I was always a coward for revealing my emotions. I was also afraid… because Umi was the first girl to ever make me feel like this. And…_ he chuckled softly. _I was too short then. Even that small issue became a burden… But now_, he mused as he looked at his new, taller self. 

He sighed as his wandering mind got the best of him. _Umi… her warm smile and pleasant laughter… her hair and eyes the color of the ocean… her caring and bright nature…_ he smiled to himself in dreams of her. But then, he stopped himself short amidst his day (er, night?) dreaming. _What are you doing? She's slipping right out of your fingers again!_

_ _

******************************
    
    _Kanashimi ni tamesarete mo _
    
    _Watashi de ireru anata no soba de _
    
    _Itsu ka yakusoku no hi ga _
    
    _Ude wo hirogete otozureru kara _
    
    Even when tried by sorrow 
    
    Beside you 
    
    Someday the promised day 
    
    With arms spread out visits 

****************************** 

Clef ran after her, refusing to fall into cowardice again.

[ back][1]

[Chapter 3 ][2]

Author's notes:

J Notice how every chapter ends with Clef running after Umi? That's the way I like it! Hope you don't mind, but that's the exact image I want to project into everyone's minds… Umi _does not_ run after Clef, it's the other way around, okay?

   [1]: Even%20When%20Tried%20by%20Sorrow.htm
   [2]: Even%20When%20Tried%20by%20Sorrow%20(3).htm



	3. Even When Tried by Sorrow (3)

EVEN WHEN TRIED BY SORROW (3)

EVEN WHEN TRIED BY SORROW (3)

"Please wait! Umi, please!"

Umi stopped at the sound of an anguish-ridden voice calling out her name . She turned to find Clef speeding towards her. _What is he doing? Didn't he get the message? I need some time…_ She turned away and ran until she reached her room. 

Being the magic knight she was, Clef had to admit she was still in pretty good shape, for he wasn't able to catch up to her. He tried to open the door but it was locked. Since his staff wasn't with him, he couldn't conjure a spell to unlock the door. He pounded his fists on the door, thankful that no one's room was close enough to hear the noise both of them were making.

"Umi! Umi! We need to talk!" Clef cried out desperately.

Umi sighed in dejection. She opened the door. "Clef… come in," she resolved in defeat. She turned her back and walked to her window.

Clef's creased brows relaxed, relieved that she has let him in. He stepped inside the room and closed the door. He saw Umi looking outside, her body framed perfectly against the edges of the windowsill. She looked so peaceful and angelic just sitting like that. He allowed himself a moment to study her. 

Umi faced Clef, her expression still sad and melancholic. "What is it?" her voice still aggrieved.

Clef took a deep breath. "Umi, I'm sure that you have heard of me and Presea. But the truth is, we have decided to part ways, since I've admitted that I have some other girl occupying my mind – that's you, Umi," he admitted lovingly.

Her eyes widened at his confession. "But – why didn't you tell me this, Clef?" Umi questioned, genuinely puzzled.

He became sheepish. "Well, that's because you wouldn't even talk to me – not once since you set foot here on Cephiro two weeks ago. Because of your circumvent actions, I thought that maybe you wouldn't accept my true feelings. I mean, I have always thought that I didn't deserve you. But," he whispered and cupped her chin, "… now I feel unimaginable euphoria, knowing that you feel the same way about me. I'm quite flattered too, you know." He smiled at her.

Umi was speechless. Knowing that finding her voice would be an impossible task, instead she reached out for him and wrapped her arms around Clef's neck, and buried her smiling face in his chest.

Overwhelmed by her response, Clef wound his arms around her tiny waist and brought her closer to him. It felt perfect, the two finally finding each other. The two stayed locked in each other's arms for quite a while.

***************************
    
    _Kanashimi ni tamesarete mo _
    
    _Watashi de ireru anata ga ireba _
    
    _Tatoe, musubarenai to _
    
    _Shiru hi ga kite mo sore wa eien_
    
    Even when tried by sorrow 
    
    If you are here 
    
    When the day it cannot be bound 
    
    Comes That is everlasting

***************************

Gingerly, Clef placed a light kiss on Umi's forehead. 

Still bound together in their each other's embrace, Umi looked out at the heavens. The stars were now shining their best, as if rejoicing at the union of two lost souls (eechh… I know, I know, that was unnecessary…). _The stars look beautiful,_ Umi thought, savoring their closeness.

[ back][1]

Author's Endnotes:

J What do you think? It's my first shot at a songfic. Well, the truth is, it left me feeling betrayed. I also tried my best at having the characters avoid saying "I love you" or "Aishiteru" out loud. It just turns everything around.

J Comments? Flames? Insults? Suggestions for future fanfic writing endeavors? Send them to [neko@anime-genesis.com][2]. Go easy on everything, with a cherry on top. Sayonara!

   [1]: Even%20When%20Tried%20by%20Sorrow%20(2).htm
   [2]: mailto:neko@anime-genesis.com



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